When it hurts so bad sometimes

I'm really sick of life. I don't know what to do.

During the long break after Os I used to complain about how bored I was and how much I wanted Poly to start. But now, I really really want all those times back. If possible, I'd actually want to go back to Secondary school life. Maybe because at that point of time, I actually wouldn't think so much. Or maybe there weren't so many things to think about. Or maybe I chose not to think about stuff.

Everyday there were laughters, from the bottom of my heart. Even if I had to put on a mask, I managed to do it well. I think I'm losing myself already. Where is the happy go lucky me? Even though I kept everything to myself, I could feel happy. I need that part of me back right now. The old me wouldn't even be writing or thinking about this at all.

I really hate sharing my problems and sorrows with people because I don't think it helps me at all. On the contrary, I think it makes me feel worse. Maybe it isn't really like this. Maybe it's just me. I hate being me.

To anybody who is reading this post. Please do not ask me if I'm fine. Obviously I would say I'm fine. But am I really fine? If I'm not, will I ever be? Just. Just don't ask me anything. Read this and get over with it.

I actually wish no one would read this. I just wanted to let it all out. I don't know if this helps. But there's no harm in trying. Why not.

Fuck this emo side of me. Fuck it all.

I hope this will be the first and the last time I will be writing such foolish things.

Yeah, I hope.